There is a saying: Man plans and God laughs. Whether you believe in God, the universe, universal energy or none of the above (as they say in Brewster’s Millions – it’s a film and I’m showing my age mentioning it), we all know that sometimes things don’t go to plan and it may feel like there are other forces at work. You know that feeling when you feel like the whole world is against you?
A part of us, our ego/primitive brain, likes to plan. It likes control, certainty and predictability so will put plans in place to ensure our perceived safety. We all know we cannot control everything. Anyone who has lived with a spaniel or a toddler knows that free will is alive and kicking – we cannot control free will. We can have the best, most detailed plans and yet other beings will get involved and mix it up a bit. This may be in the form of the spaniel that has decided to hide the left shoe of the pair you had chosen to wear that day and the time taken to locate it led to you running late. Or it may be the toddler who has adored rice krispies (other cereals are available) and insisted only on them for the past month to then; launch them across the table declaring they are “YUK!” and all they want is what the cat is eating.
Planning is a form of control. It can both help and hinder our progress depending on how we behave when it works out and when it doesn’t. How we react when things don’t go to plan is based on our relationship with control and our ego/primitive brain.
How do you react when things don’t go to plan?
Throw all your toys out of your pram?
Have a melt down?
Suck it up and move on?
Feel a bit meh, take time to reflect and move on?
For me the lightbulb moment was when I appreciated just how much energy a part of me was wasting on getting so stressed when things didn’t go to plan. It was as if a part of me wanted me to be this upset so I didn’t progress forward. Remember that plans lead to change and the ego/primitive brain doesn’t like change. The ego/primitive brain may create what is known as a “control drama” to make sure it is running the show and you return to familiar/loyal behaviours which keep you stuck where you are. Remember this place is perceived to be safe as it is familiar.
So the ego/primitive brain likes control. It also likes plans. However it only likes plans if they are there to maintain repetition and predictability, it doesn’t like them if they are going to lead to too much change.
I invite you to be curious next time things don’t go to plan. How do you react? How would you like to react? What can you do to support yourself at that time?
Until next time,
Best wishes
Philippa x